The wind and the sun were having a conversation one day, which turned into a friendly competition about who was better at making things go their way. The wind said, “I am so strong, and so good at what I do, that I can blow the coat away from that man down on the ground.” So the wind blew hard, bending trees and rattling windows. But the stronger the wind, the more the man clutched his coat, wrapping it tight around him.
The sun waited patiently for the windstorm to end, and then took a turn. With a smile, the sun beamed down its warm rays, until the man took off his coat voluntarily.
What the wind couldn’t do with brute force, the sun accomplished with warmth and charm. It’s a valuable lesson for anyone who has contact with people – now wouldn’t that be just about all of us?
My mother used to tell me that you could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why she wanted to catch so many flies. When I finally understood what she was talking about, I realized that our personalities often determine the outcome of situations. They can go either way.
In a perfect world, a course on personality development should be part of a business curriculum. In my little utopia, students would have to get an A+ to pass the course. Why? Because no matter how advanced our technology becomes, personal interaction often seals the deal.
In “The Power of Positive Thinking,” one of my favorite books, the late Norman Vincent Peale tells about a man who came to his New York clinic looking for help with his personal relationships. The man was impressive and nice-looking. Initially, it was hard to understand why people would not be drawn to him. The man explained that he tried to follow the rules he had learned about getting along, but still, people just didn’t seem to like him.
Peale says: “It was not difficult to understand the trouble. There was about him a noticeable air of superiority. He was rigid, self-centered and egotistical. This young man was irritable with people. He picked on them in his own mind, though no outward conflicts with other persons developed. Since he was being unpleasant to people in his thoughts, it followed that he was less than warm in his personal attitudes.”
Peale’s assessment was that the man was suffering from self-love and that he was trying to make everybody over to suit himself. One of the changes he suggested was that the man picture each person he had met during the day and think a kindly thought about each one.
The young man worked hard at following Peale’s suggestions, and eventually reached a startling conclusion: “I have found that the world is filled with interesting people, and I never realized it before.”
We have a tool at MackayMitchell Envelope Co. (new name – same company) that helps our sales force learn all kinds of interesting facts about our customers. We call it the Mackay 66. We try to include all kinds of information that may seem like it has nothing to do with envelopes, and some of it doesn’t. But we aren’t just doing business; we are doing business with people. And I think it’s critical that that the people we do business with understand that we see the personal relationship first and the business relationship second.
As I’ve said many times before: People don’t care how much you know about them once they realize how much you care about them. (If you want a free copy of the Mackay 66, go to my Web site: HarveyMackay.com.)
As you can see, being charming has little to do with the ability to tell great stories, hanging out with the right crowd, living in the correct neighborhood, or any other outward symbols. Charm is what you bring out in other people because you are genuinely interested. It’s a life lesson, not just a business strategy.
Like the wind and the sun, there are different approaches to getting results. You decide whether you want to be known for being a blowhard or for making someone’s day a little brighter.
Mackay’s Moral: Charm is the ability to make someone think that both of you are quite wonderful.
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Harvey Mackay is author of the New York Times bestseller “Swim With The Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive.” He can be reached through his Web site, www.mackay.com, or at MackayMitchel Envelope Corp., 2100 Elm St., Minneapolis, Minn. 55414.
