Most leaders and aspiring leaders have gotten as far as they have by showing grit and determination when facing new and daunting challenges. It’s also true that most of what causes them to stall and avoid doing what they must do to sustain their growth, learning and success is fear. It’s not that the fears we are talking about are diagnostic of a character flaw or indicative of a deficit in potential. Rather, it’s that we don’t usually discover all relevant fears until we have practical reasons to encounter them!
Feeling fear is not an unthinking act or reaction; it’s just that the fragments of immediate thought-like meaning that constitute the felt fear, as a fear of something, arise and take over rather instantaneously. Even when the feared object takes over in this way, it carries cognitive meaning in the form of beliefs or expectations of what might happen to us. Without interruption or intervention, it will usually activate some reaction designed to be protective.
Some fears, e.g., the boogey man in the closet, we naturally overcome as we grow up. Others that are more functional, e.g., avoiding conflict, knowing it can lead to physical injury from an abusive parent, are reality-based. Even these fears may be lessened, if not fully resolved, in time as we leave home and find that another home life ... is one that not only tolerates “bounded” quarreling and arguing, but values it as a way of working through differences.
Themes of reality testing, found safety, interpersonal trust, and rational boundaries and ground rules are part of what figure into this adaptive change. Whether we talk about this in the context of personal life or at work, it’s almost always related to the social role-taking we do, and to the demands of fulfilling these roles. And it’s coping with any fears and inhibitions we discover upon entering these roles that matures us.
For most people, the technical-functional aspects of the leader-development “learning curve” are less threatening gaps to acknowledge. It’s more often the felt insecurities in dealing with social-emotional and relational dynamics that we feel daunted by: e.g., giving difficult feedback; judiciously recognizing when to use a facilitative or directive style of guidance; and intervening tactfully to surface and frame relational issues in ways that promote practical purposes and tolerance for constructive conflict.
Often the boss of the new or developing leader is not so comfortable with these matters either. Most people in business are more task-focused. They deal most easily with a conflict of ideas. Indeed, most bosses love the direct reports who are “low maintenance,” the ones who don’t require much of this “soft-skill” intervention on issues of collaboration and leadership. So, they are often tempted to “let it go” or “give it time” in hopes that things get better. Then as it worsens, becomes more chronic, well …
This is where an old adage is quite fitting: “People problems are not like wine; they usually do improve with age.” Having said that, I offer the following advice for addressing this predictable moment in one’s leadership career: Bring someone in to offer situation-specific coaching to the supervisor; frame the intervention with the developing leader as an exercise in organizational development and capacity building; and finally, treat this as a core responsibility and competence for all who lead.
When you do bring someone in to help, recognize that you must jointly diagnose the situation and elect an action strategy. While aligning the intervention with your picture of “what good looks like,” you’ll also build your confidence and competence to reinforce these norms and behaviors in the future.
William P. Macaux is principal of Generativity LLC, an East Greenwich-based management psychology consultancy specializing in leadership and organizational development.
