Every office has one (or two, or more), those toxic co-workers who only look out for No. 1, no matter what the cost.
Unfortunately, greed, laziness, selfishness and backstabbing behaviors are an all-too-common part of many company cultures. Often, the people who personify these behaviors within organizations step on the colleagues who are just trying to put in an honest day’s work. It’s time to call them out.
• The Politician. Promotions based on merit are not what these schmoozers believe in. Instead, they participate in office politics – popping into the boss’s office every 5 minutes, declaring their indispensable worth. The politician’s work life is a game in which she is constantly trying to “win” the next job, the next promotion, the next project.
How to protect yourself: If you are looking to earn the promotion you deserve without playing the office-politics game, first evaluate your boss. If your boss has a huge ego, then the politicians will be tough to beat because they excel at stroking egos. If your boss isn’t an egomaniac, he will soon tire of the grandstanding.
Once you have determined the boss’ motivating factors, the best way to succeed is to state the facts. Documentation and accountability are to the politician what kryptonite is to Superman. Save all of your e-mails and voicemails, if possible.
• The Rooster. I call them roosters for two reasons. They seem to want to crow a lot about themselves, and they also like to sit on the fence to avoid making decisions.
The rooster is a bit of an egomaniac, so if he makes a poor decision, it’s a huge bruise to his ego. To avoid that, he rarely, if ever, makes a decision.
The rooster is quick to assign blame and seems to be more concerned with finding out who is responsible than actually trying to fix a problem (something that would involve actually making a decision).
• The Funeral Director. These are people who live on negative energy and are motivated by crisis. They procrastinate or otherwise delay progress until there is a crisis and something “just has to be done.” Any task you give them will eventually become the “end of the world” until it is accomplished.
How to protect yourself: When you work with them, make sure that the deadline you assign is earlier than the actual deadline. This will ensure that their crisis does not become yours.
• The Tattletale. Do you ever wonder how your boss finds out about every little mistake right after it happens? Look no further than your office tattletale. They deal mostly in negative office rumors and gossip, or in any other information that they think they can use to get ahead.
How to protect yourself: Keep your mouth shut and don’t disclose anything you don’t want everyone to know about.
• The Points Shaver. We all know someone who is a points shaver. She keeps score on everything. Anything she does for you is recorded on her mental scoreboard, and she expects to be repaid at some point in the very near future.
How to protect yourself: When dealing with a points shaver, keep in mind that the score is never tied. The best way to keep your sanity may be to avoid the points shaver altogether.
• The Office Flirt. Look out for office flirts who do their flirting 21st-century style. You may become involved in an e-mail back-and-forth that turns flirtatious before you even know it. Bottom line: keep all of your office conversations professional.
• The Networker. I’m sure you recognize the networker. They believe that the road to success is about whom you know, not what you know.
How to protect yourself: Don’t get sucked into the web of a networker. They name-drop and appear to be connected. In reality, they are just time thieves.
• The Taskmaster. Have you ever come across someone at work who spends all of his time worrying about what everyone else is doing, while at the same time complaining that no one else in the company ever does anything and that he is saddled with all the work? The taskmaster works harder to get out of work than most of us do to get our work done.
How to protect yourself: Keep him at a distance, or you will spend your days doing his job.
• The Wakeboarder. Wakeboarders are similar to taskmasters. However, unlike taskmasters, wakeboarders hide their schtick behind an outgoing personality. Co-workers like them, so they are more willing to help, and the wakeboarder knows this. She spends a good deal of her time socializing, not to network, but to find gullible co-workers.
How to protect yourself: Like the taskmaster, steer clear of wakeboarders. Although wakeboarders are typically good employees, they leave a wake a mile wide as co-workers bust their humps to help them complete their projects.
Find ways to protect yourself from these characters so you can ensure that you get the credit that you deserve, aren’t working late nights to get their work done for them, or find yourself caught in any of their schemes. Work smarter, and you can get ahead every time. •
Blaine Loomer has more than 20 years of experience in corporate management and sales and has consulted with thousands of companies.
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