There are four primary causes of personal injury at my home.
Spinning: What would seem to be a harmless activity, this occurs when a child simply spins in circles continuously until he or she is so dizzy that the child falls. Or if she or he doesn’t quite fall, she might stumble against a kitchen counter and strike her head, resulting in a deep wound that causes large amounts of blood to stream from her face, and requiring stitches to close the wound.
That is exactly what my daughter Amanda did when she was four. It happened just seconds after my wife said to Amanda; “Stop spinning like that or you’ll stumble against the counter and strike your head, resulting in a deep wound that will cause large amounts of blood to stream from your face and require stitches to close.” This particular incident occurred on a Saturday evening while I was out picking up the movie “The Borrowers” from the video store so that we could spend a quiet “family night” together. Instead, it was a trip to the Rhode Island Hospital emergency room, which on a Saturday night is slightly less relaxing than a bowl of popcorn, some M&Ms and “The Borrowers.”
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Swacking:I think my kids made this word up. It’s basically a form of striking one another with an open-fist. This is generally less dangerous than the aforementioned “spinning” but can nonetheless result in minor injuries that require a bag of ice or, occasionally, a Band-Aid.
Yard Work: Any time that rakes, hoes, small iron claws and bags of poisonous fertilizer are involved, there is the potential for injury. Not to mention that while cutting the grass with a power mower, it is possible for a parent (me) to sort of let his guard down and not watch one of the children (Carlene, age 2 at the time) as closely as he should. This can result in, for example, an 18-month-old stumbling off a small stone wall in front of the house and landing on her forearm. Carlene did in fact accomplish this feat four years ago. The swelling was mild for the first 24 hours and she hardly complained about the pain. But when the swelling got worse we headed to the emergency room again and sure enough, she had broken her arm. The emergency room on a weekday afternoon is slightly more pleasant than on a Saturday night, except that when you bring a young child in with a broken arm you get to answer all kinds of questions that start to remind you of Detective Frank Pendleton interrogating suspects on Homicide.
Stepping on discarded toys from McDonald’s Happy Meals. Except for a brief period when they were giving out miniature Beanie Babies, the hard plastic toys that accompany every Happy Meal are downright dangerous. Especially if you are in the habit of walking around your house barefoot. Not only can you seriously injure a toe, you run the risk of screaming out a word or phrase that could require a chat with the kids about how they should never repeat some things they hear adults (like their Dads) say.
Number four is precisely why I am not shedding any tears over the apparent demise of the Happy Meal.
You may have read or seen a news report last week regarding the slumping sales of the Happy Meal.
A Wall Street Journal article reported that Happy Meal sales have declined for three consecutive years. That’s a big deal to the fast-food giant.
The Happy Meal accounts for 20 percent of its overall business in the U.S. and about $3.5 billion in annual revenue. McDonald’s also reports that orders including a Happy Meal are on average 50 percent higher than those without a Happy Meal.
There are several reasons for the Happy Meal’s decline.
For one, McDonald’s is in the midst of a 10-year licensing deal with Disney, which means it includes all kinds of Disney-related toys along with the hamburgers, cheeseburgers or chicken nuggets that accompany the standard milkshake and fries in every meal. But McDonald’s can’t include toys from Disney competitors. As a result, Burger King has occasionally clobbered McDonald’s with its Kids Meals, which in recent years have included toys from “The Simpsons,” “Rugrats,” and “SpongeBob SquarePants.”
There is also talk that today’s kids have become so programmed on computer games, that the traditional toys found in fast-food meals are simply boring them.
McDonald’s, of course, didn’t get to where it is without being ingenious. Already, there are all kinds of ideas being floated about to restore the Happy Meal to its lofty perch atop fast-food offerings.
One idea is to create a “Mom’s Meal.” It would include lip-gloss or perhaps, a chance to win a trip to a spa. By marketing to moms, McDonald’s figures the kids will return. Another idea is to simply upgrade the toys offered in the Happy Meal – making them more interactive.
One idea really has me worried, however. In some markets, the Happy Meals will soon offer two toys, instead of one. It’s not that McDonald’s is feeling especially generous. With sales of Happy Meals having slumped, there are apparently countless boxes of undistributed toys just waiting for a home.
We don’t want any more of those toys in our home. In fact, if they want my opinion, I sort of wish they’d bring back those mini-Beanie Babies. I can step on those without causing any serious injury— or verbal indiscretion.
