By Harvey Mackay
Madonna has done it repeatedly. Dennis Rodman does it from time to time. Cher and Janet Jackson and Tom Cruise and a whole list of other public figures do it, over and over again. So what is it?
They reinvent themselves – to fit the situation, the public demand, the mood.
And the funny thing about it is, it rarely works. People remember the old persona, and sometimes, the new one doesn’t accomplish the desired goal: to create a whole new you.
And is it any wonder?
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There is only one you. And while there may be areas that could use a little work, accepting who you are and making the most of your good points will take you much further than trying to be someone you aren’t.
Take a lesson from television’s most powerful woman, Oprah Winfrey. Not only has she has made a fortune doing what she loves best, she also is beloved by millions – both men and women – for her down-to-earth, grounded attitude.
You can’t say that about a lot of celebrities, but Oprah has learned the real secret of success: to be yourself.
Several years ago, she gave the commencement address at Wellesley College. She told the graduates that life should teach you who you are; that the everyday experiences teach you moment by moment.
She learned this, she said, by spending a long time wanting to be someone else. At one point, she wanted to be Diana Ross. Eventually, she realized that no matter what diet she tried, she would never look like Diana Ross.
A news director told Oprah the anchorwoman that her hair was too thick, her eyes were too far apart, and she needed a makeover. She took that advice. She had a French permanent, which she was too timid to tell the stylist was burning her head. A week later, she lost her hair.
Another time, she wanted to be like Barbara Walters – a reasonable aspiration. When she mispronounced a word on the air, she started to laugh, not something that Barbara Walters was likely to do. But Oprah was confident enough by then to be herself.
Her meteoric success can be credited to her “demotion” from news anchor to talk-show host.
Oprah says, “I am just thrilled that I get paid so much money every day for just being myself. It was a lesson long in coming – recognizing that I had the instinct, that inner voice that told me that you need to try to find a way to answer to your own truth. It was the voice I needed to be still and listen to.”
Honestly, not many of us will achieve Oprah’s financial status and success. But to really be yourself – that’s not necessary.
You have to be content with your own abilities and comfortable enough in your own skin to trust your gut. Getting ahead in your chosen field may never make you rich or famous, but it can make you happy. Only you can decide what suits you best.
Two co-workers were eating lunch at the edge of a lake in the park, listening to the rippling water and the singing birds. It was a glorious day, but Jack was terribly down.
Jack said to his companion, “You know, Joe, this business of being cooped up in a cubicle is not what it’s cracked up to be. Taking orders from kids half my age. Doing all the grunt work the boss demands. Showing up and knowing it’s going to be the same old thing every day. Always wondering, always wondering …”
“Well,” Joe replied, “if that’s the way you feel, why don’t you quit and go get yourself a different job?”
“What? And admit that I’m a failure?”
I hope you aren’t feeling like Jack every morning. That’s a waste of a life!
If you have to become a different person when you punch the clock, start looking elsewhere. You aren’t using your talents and abilities to your best advantage.
I learned this lesson the hard way – from my wife, Carol Ann.
Although I am accustomed to public speaking and make frequent speeches to large audiences, I was preparing to address a very distinguished audience and I was a little nervous. So I asked her what kind of remarks might be appropriate for the occasion.
“Whatever you do,” Carol Ann said, “don’t try to sound intellectual, sophisticated or charming. Just be yourself.”
And we are still married after 46 years.
Mackay’s Moral: “To thine own self be true” – it’s pretty obvious when you’re not!
Harvey Mackay is author of the New York Times best-seller “Pushing the Envelope” (Ballantine Books).
He can be reached through his Web site, www.mackay.com, or at Mackay Envelope Corp., 2100 Elm St., Minneapolis, MN 55414.
